Do You Owe Anyone Money?

A few weeks ago, I came home from my aunt's funeral.

Like many funerals, it was filled with hugs, tears, stories, and the quiet realization that life changes in an instant. Later that evening, I sat down with my mom.

Mommy's 70 years old.

If you know Caribbean mothers, you already know. They're strong. Opinionated. Loving. And they'll tell you exactly what's on their mind whether you asked or not.

Somehow our conversation drifted toward her own funeral.

She looked at me and said she didn't want any hoopla. "No big production."

I laughed and told her she didn't have much say in that.

In Haitian Kreyol, I said: "Mommy, your funeral is going to be beautiful. We're going to celebrate you with style and do it BIG." I went into elaborate detail – the purple flowers, the color of the casket, her outfit.

She rolled her eyes, of course. "Not with my money."

Then the conversation changed. I asked her what I now believe is one of the most important financial questions you'll ever ask someone you love:

"Do you owe anyone money? And does anyone owe you money?"

Silence.

Because the truth is, grief doesn't pause the paperwork.

When someone dies, the bills still arrive. The mortgage is still due. And someone – usually the person hurting the most – has to go search for every policy, password, deed, and account. Choose the church. Pick the music. Write the obituary. Coordinate family. Plan the repast.

All of it while grieving and their heart is breaking.

As a former Trust Associate, I've watched families spend more time searching through filing cabinets than sharing memories. Siblings who stopped speaking over land, property, and misunderstandings. Thousands of dollars disappearing into legal fees simply because no one knew what the deceased wanted.

Death doesn't create family problems. It often reveals the ones that were never addressed.

As hard as that conversation with my mom was, it uncovered something else. Every birthday she celebrates now brings me two emotions: joy, because she's still here. And sadness, because I know she won't be here forever.

Watching your parents grow older is one of life's quiet heartbreaks. Somewhere along the way, you realize you're not just planning for your own life anymore, you're also getting ready for the day they won't be here.

Avoiding the conversation doesn't stop the clock. It only makes the day harder when it comes.

So, this week's reminder isn't about investing. It isn't about budgeting. It's about love.

If you love your family, don't leave them guessing. Encourage a friend or family member to create a will or a trust. Create one for yourself too and review it. Tell someone you trust where your important documents are. Share your final wishes while you can still answer the questions yourself. Talk about your debts. Your assets. What matters most.

Because one of the greatest financial gifts you'll ever leave your family isn't money.

It's clarity.

If reading this makes you uncomfortable, that's okay. It means it's probably time to have the conversation.

Your Money Homework This Week

Ask one person you love these four questions:

• Do you have a will or trust?

• Where are your important financial documents?

• What are your final wishes?

• Is there anything the family should know financially if something happened tomorrow?

These may be the hardest questions you'll ever ask.

They may also become the greatest gift you ever give each other.

My beautiful mommy at 70. A woman of elegance and quiet strength. My first teacher. Holding my hand since the very beginning. My greatest blessing.